It’s all about love you see. This is what people forget. Miley Cyrus’ recent revelation that she’s pan-sexual raised very few eyebrows, if any. This post is not about Miley because, frankly, she gets enough attention. This is about the dissection of sexuality at the price of humanity. This about the separation of sexuality at the price of love. Because that’s what all of this is about. Love.

If you are familiar with my personal history, you should know that almost no one has had more struggle with personal identity than I have.

So, I do understand the struggle for identity. When someone tells me that they are gay, or bi-sexual, or tran-sexual or transgender, I say, “Oh.” And the temptation to follow that with Rita Mae Brown’s quote from one of her books, “And what did you have for breakfast?” never quite goes away.

I’m not trying to diminish those who are struggling for sexual identity outside the norm. I have two very dear friends, partners, women, who are the epitome of a healthy loving relationship, and when they were finally able to marry, officially, legally, no one was happier than I was. And, working beside them in the church where we all attended in Virginia was one of the most gratifying and empowering experiences of my life.

But to continue to dissect the issue of sexuality without bringing the issue of love into the discussion is to me allowing the issue to become cold, clinical and impersonal.

We must never forget that we are, all of us, human first. And this codifying of sexuality, while it can be empowering for some, must never be considered the end game.

The gif at the beginning of this post is from the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer called “New Moon Rising” (4.19). Oz’ return at the end of Season Four brought a situation to head that had been brewing since the groundbreaking episode “Hush” (4.10), when Tara and Willow looked at each other and sparks flew with barely a word said. Over the course of the season, Joss Whedon slowly built the relationship between Tara and Willow on such a deep metaphorical level that when Willow told Tara that she loved her, all hell broke loose on the internet.  There were people (fortunately few in number) who said they would stop watching the show because Joss and his writers and producers had “made Willow a fag”. He brought humanity and dignity to an issue that had been exploited on other shows. He essentially built the relationship as a relationship first. Amber Benson said that she felt that Willow and Tara’s relationship was the healthiest on the show because they treated each other with compassion and respect. And she’s right. And this is what I feel is missing from the discussion of issues of sexuality and gender. The element of humanity. Because when it comes right down to it that’s what we all are. Human.

I’m going to leave the final word on this to a man who wrote much about love.

I don’t own this.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s