So. Today is Friday, August 29th, 2014. On Wednesday, I had a psychiatric evaluation with my brand spanking new mental health providers. Despite my diligence in trying to make sure that I would have no gap in my medication, it appeared that I would be about a month without it. So, I explained to my new therapist my situation and she arranged for me to have an appointment for a psychiatric evaluation.

I have made no bones about my mental health issues online. I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety disorder and agoraphobia (http://www.mentalhealth.com/home/dx/agoraphobia.html) by the disability judge who presided over my appeal hearing.

But this doctor said there was something wrong with my thinking.

I am now on Risperidone; a drug associated with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and autism. However,it is known to be helpful to certain types of depressive disorders.

It’s supposed to help with my thinking. I’m giving it a shot. I really wanted to move toward getting off my medication completely.

I prefer to think of this as a kind of cha-cha.

Two steps forward, one step back.

I was very sleepy after reducing my medication on my own. The grieving process I (and apparently the rest of the world) that I am  experiencing after the loss of Robin Williams isn’t helping. Although that will be another post for another time. I do know that I will be referencing Jean Shinoda Bolen’s Gods In Everyman and her introductory section about the Procrustean bed (p.4). Please feel free to read any and all of her works. She has some incredible insights for everyone.

I understand, Robin’s actions because I’ve been to that edge many times myself.

So, I do the dance with my meds until I won’t need them anymore.

It’s funny. After my brother-in-law was killed and I was grieving for him, I used to have dreams that I was visited by a gaggle of angels, spirit guides, whatever you wish to call them. There was a whole team of spiritual beings dedicated to helping me not follow my brother-in-law. Because I really wanted to. Because I loved him so very much. And I really missed him. I still very much do, even to this day, even though he left us in April of 1988. Almost thirty years ago.

This is why I want to get off of the meds. So I can talk to the angels once more.

I don’t own anything in this video.

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